what I do when I feel stuck, overwhelmed and a little bit like a failure

You know that feeling when you’re in such a deep hole of self-pity and you feel like nothing is going to motivate you or get you out of it? Well, this song just came on, and somehow – it’s lifted me out. It’s small moments like this that I realise these valleys that we can get into, often need different things to get us out of them. Now, out of this mood that had me down for a good two days (luteal phase activated, if you know that I mean!!) I am able to move again.

This wasn’t the worst one that I’ve been in, but the thoughts were overwhelming (always) and the movement was minimal. And that’s just so not me.

I’m sure you’ve been in this position before – where you’d rather escape through binging something; netflix, food, and vaping are my usual culprits. Where life just feels inevitably overwhelming. Thoughts run through your head that everyone is further along than you are, or doing better than you. On a normal day, you may be able to bypass these feelings, but it’s in these particular moods that there just doesn’t feel like a way out.

I know majority of this is because of the phase of my cycle I’m in, but hell, it didn’t feel like that was the cause. It felt like a whirlwind of thoughts in my mind creating an intense tornado in my chest. I started to overthink everything.

I’m in the midst of feeling like I’m a failure because I need more money to do the things that I want to do this year, but then I’m getting very overwhelmed at even the thought of booking another design client right now. Yet I know that’s exactly what I need to do to get out of this feeling. Financial stress always feels like the walls are caving in, and you know how to get out, but when the walls are caving in all you can think about is the fact that the pressure is on and suddenly, the way out feels like so much more effort than just being squished to death.

I’m sure you’ve felt this way before, I know this definitely isn’t my first and it won’t be my last.

And it’s in these moments that my creativity, passion and entrepreneurial drive, all of which are stand out features of my personality, seem to disappear. I never like to force myself to be creative, or to push harder when the drive isn’t there because when I force it like that, I can never fully reach my flow state. When inspired though, that flow state hits hard and I can run a million miles a minute. Though in these moments, I know I need to push to get out of those walls that are enclosing in on me. And I also know that the ‘brohood of entrepreneurialism’ would scream ‘DISCIPLINE IS WHAT GETS YOU THERE.’

Yeah bro, I know that, but also, I don’t work like that. I’m a woman who thoroughly enjoys being in my feminine, especially when I reach my flow state. When I’m inspired I can move mountains, but if I push something because of pressure to succeed, I will fail. And even now as I’m writing this, I think to myself; is this just me being defiant? Is this what is holding me back?

And to that I say simply; no, it’s not.

If you’ve ever felt pressure to perform, or to ‘be disciplined’ but you feel in your gut, in your chest, that this isn’t the time or that you need space to reset your nervous system, to regulate, to find your way back to yourself – then this space is definitely for you.

Because I don’t believe in forcing creativity, or forcing myself to do things when I just know it isn’t right.

But that doesn’t take away that feeling of overwhelm, that feeling in my chest that is screaming at me to do more, do better, work harder.

It also doesn’t take away the feelings of escapism. Knowing I need to save money for these amazing travel plans that I’d like to do this year, but choosing to escape those worries by drinking socially with friends. Hello idiot (speaking to myself here), you could have saved a bunch of money by just not avoiding your problems with expensive alcohol, you know that right?

And I do know that, but it can be hard.

In a hustlin’ and bustlin’ place like London – where rent is through the roof and social plans are inevitable–especially if the sun is out, I mean who can say no to a cheeky cider in the sun after just being inside for the last 4-5 months?!

So therein comes the problem, we don’t want to spend less. We want to earn more – and to do that, we either need a damn pay rise (hint to my boss) or we need to do more in our side hustles. Which means more time dedicated to those things and less time escaping our problems with Netflix, socialising and simply avoiding our shiiiiiiit.

And I know that, but that doesn’t make getting out of these funks any easier.

So I decided to take one small step. It wasn’t in the direction of earning more money, but simply just getting outside. I actually decided to walk to gym, get in a workout and try to move my way through the emotions.

It can be really hard to even make it to gym, and if you’re reading this now and making it to gym feels like way too big of a task – that is completely okay. For me, I went with the guise that I would simply be doing my shoulder rehabilitation. That to me was easy enough, I didn’t have to lift heavy, I didn’t have to do intense cardio, I didn’t even have to run. But once I actually got there, I got past that hard step of getting up and moving, I did end up having a great workout.

The hardest step sometimes is just to take the first step.

Now I wanted to quickly mention that for me this time, choosing my shoulder rehab was easy. But many times, that is way too fucking much. And so in the past when I have been in similar situations, I actually created a list of tiny tasks that I can choose at random, to simply start moving.

So I created something to come back to when I feel like this. I put all of these into a free checklist that you can grab at any point, it’s called the Stop Waiting, Start Doing Checklist. And it literally is exactly what it’s named.

You feel like you’re in a funk? You know you need to stop doom-scrolling and actually just do something but can’t figure out what? Before you lose that tiny shred of motivation, open the list. Pick out one random task, and do it.

The dopamine you will get from completing just one small thing, can give you an amazing avalanche affect to do some more. No pressure though, one is still AMAZING. But it gets you up and moving. Some of them you can even do from your bed if you really don’t want to get up, the feeling of relief from organising/cleaning/doing will be more than an enough to make you feel just a little bit better and get you out of that funk.

Lord I know how hard it can be sometimes, but you have absolutely fucking got this. The only thing standing in the way, is that version of you that just needs a little nudge to move. So step aside, let yourself move forward and lets get back on track to where we’re destined to go.

One small step is enough to change the direction of your entire day.

I know I’m ready, are you?

Love, Mahls x

p.s here’s the link to the checklist if you missed it before!